Bad manners in Tango


There's a thread on Tango-L that goes way back to 2003 and begins with  the following:
"tango seems to attract some of the rudest people in the world. I have NEVER run into such rude behavior in any other social situation. Why is it that tango tolerates it?"
I couldn't put it better.
How do you describe the DJ who abandons his partner and dashes across the dance floor when he thinks he sees someone is looking at his playlist on his laptop (which is in a public spot on the way to the bathrooms) and slams down the lid without a word, stopping the music? His partner stood there bemused. Later he mumbles something about it being his 'intellectual property' - really? and ignores the explanation of the 'culprit' that he was looking at the amplifier settings (because the music sounded like it was being played through a row of kettle drums)! 
Or the man who brushed off my request to him (it was not a request to dance) as though he was brushing off a bird dropping then got up and walked away. The other person (male) at the table  noticed this obvious slight and remarked on it.
People do not like to be part of such rudeness and will usually not contribute to forums or chat lines where they occur, though often curiousity will get the better of them and they will check the forums without logging in, simply to find out just what rudeness is current. 
Tango-L solved the problem of 'flaming' (hostile and insulting interaction between forum users) by enforcing the rules. Which has led to more people posting and more interesting responses (and the departure of some of the perpetrators of the unpleasant posts). This is the obvious answer on a forum but how one copes with direct insults, or worse  haranguing, at a milonga is not so easy. As the victim one feels humiliated and ready to retreat.
As was posted on Tango-L ... ''If you're a nice person in real life, it will show up in tango. And if you're an SOB in real life, that will show up in tango, too."

Comments

Anonymous said…
It is not so much how a person acts towards me but how I react, that reaction is what is most important for me. If I see myself at fault I try and make amends, I ask myself who has the problem? and if not mine I leave it where it is, the exception, family or very very close friends.
David G
It is interesting how tango can bring out the very best in us and sometimes the very worst On the one hand it teaches us to be more tolerant of others, more patient, more connected. On the other hand, it can reveal competitveness, defensiveness and agression. These are all within our potential as people. I think that one of the learning experiences of tango is that it can enable us to become conscious of these so that we can be more consious of the way we interact with others. Rachael. www.libertango.co.za
Shayne said…
No different from ocean swimming. Human nature.
Chris said…
"Tango-L solved the problem of 'flaming' (hostile and insulting interaction between forum users) by enforcing the rules. Which has led to more people posting and more interesting responses"

Tango-L's censor "solved" the problem by banning or blocking just about anyone who expressed disgreement with himself or anyone else. This elimiated the majority of contributors, many who left to form a replacement forum. Tango-L thereby went from thriving five years ago to virtually dead - as it remains today.

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